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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214727">Kintsugi: We Are Golden</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth'>SomeSleepySloth</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:13:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Magnus Bane. Magnus fucking Bane. It had been nearly five years since they last met, parting under less than ideal conditions. And now, here they are, in the same room for the first time in five years."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kintsugi: We Are Golden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Beta'ed by the amazing @AceOnIce who was also the one posted the prompt for this fic!</p>
<p>The original prompt was: Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date but they don't know we dated years ago and had a bad breakup. </p>
<p>I went for two out of three, so I guess it still counts? Sort of?</p>
<p>First attempt at writing a slightly longer fic, so I hope it did the prompt justice!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The waitress directs Alec towards his table, and, as he approaches it, he spots a man sitting at the table already. Looks like his date came early. Alec takes in his first view of his date as he walks towards him. While the man appears to be of a slim and slender build, the batik shirt he has on hints at some muscle definition as well. He has his head bent over his phone, and Alec can see subtle hints of red and blue streaks in his hair. His date must have heard Alec approaching because he rises from his chair with a friendly smile on his face ready to greet Alec, when it morphs into an expression of shock once they make eye contact. </p>
<p>He might have changed his hairstyle, from the dorky slicked back hair he used to sport to the artfully tousled look he had now, swapped the preppy jumper and trousers outfit combination for flowy batik shirts, and tight skinny jeans, and even gotten rid of the glasses that Alec did so love, but Alec would recognise that face, that pair of eyes, currently blown wide with astonishment, anywhere, no matter how many years it had been.</p>
<p>Magnus Bane. Magnus fucking Bane. It had been nearly five years since they last met, parting under less than ideal conditions. And now, here they are, in the same room for the first time in five years. </p>
<p>Alec didn’t realise, but he had apparently stopped walking, standing rooted to the ground in shock since he had first made eye contact with Magnus Bane; he nearly flinched in surprise when the waitress called out, “Mr Lightwood”. </p>
<p>Looking between the waitress who is shooting him confused looks while gesturing towards the table, to Magnus who still has that look of complete surprise across his face, seemingly in the dark about the identity of his date, just like Alec, is simply too overwhelming for him. </p>
<p>Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck it all. Alec can’t do this, he can’t. His head is an absolute mess, conflicting emotions warring with each other, preventing him from thinking clearly. The excitement at seeing Magnus for the first time in so long, the sadness at how he had missed out on Magnus’ growth and transformation into the completely new person standing before him, the guilt for being the one who had let Magnus down by destroying with his bare hands what both boys had treasured, and the anger at himself for being the one who brought this situation all on himself. The tide of emotions washing over him are far too overwhelming for him to deal with at that moment.</p>
<p>Stammering out an apology to both Magnus and the waitress, Alec turns on his heel and dashes out of the restaurant, door slamming loudly in his wake, shattering the tranquility of the dining area.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once out of the restaurant, Alec gulps in a breath of fresh air, as if the restaurant was far too suffocating for him. Well, actually it was, not literally of course, but metaphorically; Alec feels like a drowning man being swept away on a wave of emotions, helpless in the face of these strong feelings. </p>
<p>As his breaths start getting hitched and he feels the telltale wheezing and contraction of his lungs, he frantically pats his coat pockets, trying to locate his inhaler. Right, yes, emotions were a fucking trigger for his stupid asthma condition. Fuck. Things just couldn’t go right for him today, could it?</p>
<p>When he finally locates his inhaler in one of his inner pockets, he quickly takes two puffs, before collapsing in relief against the wall behind him, as he feels the tightness in his chest ease. </p>
<p>Digging in his jeans pockets for his phone, he pulls up his contact list, scrolls till he locates his sister’s name, and jabs the call button on screen. The minute he hears the call connect, before Izzy can even finish greeting the caller, he cuts her off, growling into the phone: “What the actual fuck was that Izzy?”</p>
<p>He was not a fan of raising his voice; while he would get into shouting matches with his siblings, he tried to avoid being the one to escalate the situation by bellowing at them. Except the rage that was previously building up inside him is now being directed at Izzy, because, fuck, how could Izzy do this to him? </p>
<p>“Izzy, I can hear you breathing over the phone, I know you are there,” he reminds his sister sternly, when she has remained silent for far too long. “Answer me, why did you do this?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Alec,” Izzy replies hesitantly, “I thought this was what you wanted, I...I just wanted to help. I thought this would make you happy again…” She trails off towards the end awkwardly, not knowing how to diffuse the situation.</p>
<p>Alec pinches his nose in frustration; he knows Izzy means well, his sister hasn’t got a malicious bone in her body. But that doesn’t mean that Izzy’s action hadn’t hurt him tonight. He thought he had managed to put that part of him behind him, he had to move on. There were days where he wanted to ring Magnus, and beg for his forgiveness, tell him that he had gotten it wrong. But each time, he pulled up Magnus’ contact in his phone, his thumb hovering over those ten digits he would chicken out. </p>
<p>For one, he didn’t know what he would say to Magnus, aside from apologising profusely and begging for his forgiveness. Deep down, he also felt that he did not deserve Magnus’ forgiveness. How could he, when he was the one to tear them apart so brutally? When he was the one who shattered Magnus’ heart and left him there sobbing on the porch? When he was the one who had failed to keep up his end of the deal, breaking the promise they had made?</p>
<p>“Izzy, I know you mean well, but this, this wasn’t the way…” Alec answers, before a thought strikes him, “Wait a minute, how did you even manage to find Magnus and arrange this whole charade?”</p>
<p>“Uh yeah, about that… remember when I brought you lunch at the hospital that day? Well. I couldn’t find you, and you weren’t picking up the phone… so I grabbed the first doctor I saw on your floor to ask if she knew where you were.” she explains over the phone hastily, nearly stumbling over her words in her haste to explain the situation to her brother, and hopefully diffuse his anger.</p>
<p>“Anyway, err, that doctor was Cat. And while she was walking me towards your break room, we got to talking, and she asked what I was doing all the way in New York, from Idris. And when I told her that I was studying architecture at Parsons, she asked if I knew this guy, coincidentally from Idris, who was at Parsons too. When she told me her friend’s name was Magnus Bane, it sort of clicked in my mind that that must have been your ex-boyfriend…”</p>
<p>“Izzy...” Alec groans over the phone.</p>
<p>“Look Alec, I know you were torn up about the break up for the longest time, and since Cat mentioned that Magnus was single -”</p>
<p>“Mentioned? Really Izzy?” Alec drawls over the phone “More like you pestered her for his relationship status, you annoying little pest.” </p>
<p>By now, Alec can feel the anger fizzing out of his body; Izzy was just trying to help her sibling out, with good intentions. It wasn’t really her fault that she didn’t know the full extent of what had actually gone down between the both of them and subsequently made Alec steer clear of making any contact with Magnus.</p>
<p>“Hey, I am not a pest. I was just trying to be -”</p>
<p>Right at that moment, Alec catches sight of Magnus leaving the restaurant, head turning frantically as if he was searching for someone. Someone that is Alec, he realises, as Magnus starts striding towards him, once he spots him leaning against the wall at the end of the street, with grim determination written all over his face.</p>
<p>“Hey, Izzy, sorry, but I gotta go now. Look, I’m not mad at you, but we will talk more when I get back yeah?” he interrupts his sister’s rambling, quickly ending the call before Magnus reaches him.</p>
<p>If I make a run for it now, I could get enough of a headstart that Magnus wouldn’t catch me… But Alec thinks that he has done enough running away from Magnus, for a lifetime perhaps. He should at least apologise to Magnus for running out and ditching him at the restaurant earlier. He squares his shoulders and steels himself for the confrontation conversation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looks up as Magnus moves to stand in front of Alec, close enough that the tips of their shoes are touching. “Hey…” Alec says, raising his hand up to wave nervously at Magnus, “Uhm, sorry I ran away from you just now. Izzy kept the identity of my date a surprise, uh, so I didn’t expect to see you. Uhm, I was just a bit…”</p>
<p>“Overwhelmed?” Magnus completes his sentence, with a rueful grin on his face. “Yeah I get that, this is all a bit much isn’t it? If you hadn’t ran out first, who knows, I might have been the one to dash out instead. I mean, I certainly wasn’t expecting you when Cat told me to turn up at this restaurant for a blind date. Although she definitely wasn’t lying when she told me to look out for Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”</p>
<p>Was...was Magnus flirting with him? Alec is caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. Magnus was supposed to be mad at him, furious at being ditched in the restaurant, and yet here he is... flirting with Alec? He has no idea how to respond, anger he could deal with, but flirtation? It turns out all he could muster is gaping in shock.</p>
<p>Apparently his astonishment is painted all over his face because Magnus places his hand over Alec’s arm, squeezing it lightly to comfort him, “Hey, I was just teasing, no need to look so terrified.”</p>
<p>Alec hastens to correct Magnus. “No no, not terrified, uhm, just caught off guard I guess? I thought you’d be mad at me… not that I don’t deserve it…” he murmurs the last bit under his breath, hoping that Magnus doesn’t hear it. </p>
<p>Alec’s insecurities had always been a constant source of conflict between them, with Magnus often trying to drill into Alec’s head that he was good enough, and deserving of all the best things in this world, regardless of what his terrible parents told him.</p>
<p>Before Magnus can reply, a passer-by bumps into him from behind; they shoot the both of them a dirty look for standing on the pavement, before walking off without an apology, even after Alec and Magnus offer hasty apologies to them. Ugh. What a rude idiot. That certainly is something that Alec still isn’t used to, even after two years in Manhattan. </p>
<p>“What a rude ass,” Magnus complains, his nose wrinkling in frustration, “Although I guess we shouldn’t have been obstructing the pavement.”</p>
<p>Alec nods his head in agreement, unsure of how to continue the conversation, should he apologise again? Or should he bid Magnus farewell, and go their separate ways?</p>
<p>Thankfully Magnus seems to have decided for the both of them. “Hey, what do you say about catching up over a cup of coffee? My place is just around the corner,” he offers, jerking his thumb in the direction of his flat, “I haven’t seen you in five years after all.”</p>
<p>And for a good reason too, Alec thinks to himself wryly. That said, he does miss Magnus, and if he wants to catch up, who is Alec to deny him really?  “Yeah sure, let’s go.” he replies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Welcome to my humble abode, Chez Magnus!” he announces with a dramatic sweep of his arm across the room, as they step across the threshold. Alec takes in his first glimpse of the place, and if he has to describe it in one word, well, cozy is the first word that springs to his mind.</p>
<p>From where Alec stands, he can see that the apartment includes a well-stocked kitchenette, a scuffed round dining table right beside it. He turns to get a better look at the living room; three mismatched armchairs are arranged neatly around a granite coffee table, with cozy looking throws tossed over the arm rests. The IKEA bookshelves, a quintessential student household furniture, is crammed full with books, from well-worn copies of the Harry Potter series, to what appears to be architecture-related hardcovers, and… french books? Alec didn’t even know Magnus had picked up a new language! </p>
<p>“This place is amazing, Magnus,” Alec compliments, hovering awkwardly near the coat rack.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it is pretty sweet isn’t it?” Magnus replies, walking towards the kitchenette; Alec hears drawers being slammed open and shut in his quest to retrieve coffee cups and spoons.</p>
<p>“I got a good deal on it actually; the grumpy old man who lives above me? He took pity on me when I was flat-hunting, said I look like a long-lost friend of his, and gave me a cheaper rent,” he elaborates further, while waiting for the coffee machine to dispense their beverage. “He just occasionally asks me to help out with basic repair work, which isn’t that bad, considering how nice this flat is. Anyway, the drinks are ready, go choose your armchair in the living room, and I will join you shortly!”</p>
<p>Heeding Magnus’ instructions, Alec shuffles towards the living room, opts for a squishy blue one, sinking comfortably into it. He reaches for the cup of coffee that Magnus offers on his way in, before he himself settles into a worn brown leather chair beside Alec.</p>
<p>He takes a sip of his black coffee; it is a perfect mixture of nutty and fruity, trust Magnus to splurge on premium coffee. On his second sip, he detects a subtle sweetness to it. Black with just a dash of sugar. Looks like Magnus still remembers how I take my coffee, Alec hides his pleased smile into his cup, lost in thoughts of the numerous coffee dates the both of them used to have back home.</p>
<p>“Would you like a stronger cup of coffee?” Magnus queries, waving a hip flask in front of him, startling him from his trip down memory lane. Why not, perhaps some liquid courage might be what he needs for the conversation. He nods and extends his cup towards Magnus, offering a nod of gratitude. </p>
<p>He takes a gulp of the spiked coffee and braces himself for the conversation, his leg starting to bounce in nervousness. “Uhm, so, you and Izzy, in the same school, small world huh?” he decides to try some small talk, to break the silence between them.</p>
<p>Thankfully Magnus gracefully allows him that weak attempt at deflection, and proceeds to regale Alec with tales of Izzy at school. The big brother in him can’t help feel a warm glow spread through him as he learns how well Izzy is doing. He barks out a snort of laughter when Magnus tells him that all his intel came from conversations with TA around the staff lounge table. </p>
<p>“That sounds exactly like us medical residents around the break room table, except that we gossip about our supervisors instead.” he comments. “That was how I chose my speciality actually, pediatrics, my supervisor, Catarina -”</p>
<p>“Hang on, did you say Catarina?” Magnus interrupts, his brows furrowed as if trying to puzzle something out.</p>
<p>“Yeah, what about her?” </p>
<p>“That crafty bitch! So that’s how tonight happened!!” Magnus exclaims, a triumphant note in his voice as he waves his cup around, nearly spilling his drink in his excitement. </p>
<p>Alec arches a questioning brow at him, and Magnus continues to speak, “I was wondering why Cat was so insistent on me meeting this guy tonight, despite me not being interested in dating at the moment. Even promised that she’d tag along with me for three musical performances, which I assure you, is rather extreme for her. Looks like she had external motivation!”</p>
<p>“Ah yeah, Izzy does tend to be rather persuasive,” Alec replies with a sheepish grin.</p>
<p>“Oh yes, I definitely know that; Remember that time when she somehow managed to convince us to give her that treehouse? God, I can’t believe at five she was already devious enough to make us give it up willingly. Certainly didn’t help that she had those puppy eyes. They were absolutely impossible to say no to!” Magnus recalls with a fond smile on his face.</p>
<p>Alec definitely remembers how his cunning sister had conned the both of them out of the treehouse they spent all summer building. It seems things haven’t changed much, Izzy’s sneakiness being the one unwanted constant in their lives. </p>
<p>Although now that Magnus has mentioned it, a memory pops into mind. “She is still as sneaky actually! Last week, she tried blackmailing me into setting her up on a date with another medical resident in my department. All I can say is that I wish Simon the very best of luck.” </p>
<p>There is a moment of comfortable silence as both of them sip on their coffees before Magnus pipes up with a question. </p>
<p>“Hey…” he begins hesitantly. “Speaking of medicine, how did you end up at med school? Last I heard you were doing business at Harvard, and then going to get your MBA?”</p>
<p>Alec startles at the sudden change in topic. It certainly is a loaded question, although a natural one for Magnus to ask, but so many things had changed in the past five years, and Alec didn’t really know where to start. He licks his lips nervously, reaches for his cup of coffee again, gulping it down to buy him some time before he starts speaking.</p>
<p>“Right, I mean, yeah, I did do business at Harvard. But, you were right, I hated it so much,” he lets out an exhale of frustration. “I would go into lectures, listen to some of the stuff they taught us. And it just felt so… commonsensical! It was so unfulfilling, but I knew I had to continue, because if I wanted to switch to something else that I was interested in… well. You know what Maryse and Robert would have to say about that… Anyway, mid-way through my freshman year, I got into a car accident-”</p>
<p>“Wait wait, hold up, A CAR ACCIDENT?! Oh my god, Alexander, are you alright?! What happened?!” Magnus asked urgently, the pitch in his voice getting higher in his panic. The coffee cup he was lowering onto the table lands with a loud clatter, betraying his shaky hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i> Alexander. Now that was a word Alec hadn’t heard in a while. While he had been bestowed with the name Alexander from birth, he’d been going by Alec all his life. First it was because he had difficulty pronouncing his rather long name as a boy; then, when others started calling him Alec, he figured he liked it, so he kept it as his nickname. Until a boy moved in next door. A boy named Magnus Bane.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Magnus and Alec would get up to all sorts of adventures around their neighbourhood, driving their parents insane. On one particular occasion, Magnus had somehow convinced Alec that by drawing the Superman symbol on his arm, it’d give him Superman’s powers too. They’d both climbed up to their treehouse, so they could fly down from it. Except all that happened was Alec falling face first into the grass, landing awkwardly on his arm. “ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD!” His mother had yelled when they had sheepishly admitted what had transpired. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>That night, Magnus had asked him curiously, why did Alec’s mom call him by a different name? When Alec told him that his full name was Alexander, but everyone else called him Alec, well. Magnus replied solemnly, with all the conviction a six year old could muster, that Magnus will from then on be calling him Alexander too, because he was Alec’s best-est friend in this whole wide world, and he wanted to be, or rather had to be, different from everyone else. And so Alexander had become their… thing.<i></i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey hey Magnus, I’m fine, I’m fine!” Alec reaches out a hand to hold Magnus’ trembling one, his large hand enveloping Magnus’ smaller one, the warmth equally reassuring to the both of them, “It was just a minor car accident, nothing major, I was rushing to get to class, and stupidly jaywalked across the street without checking for any oncoming traffic. Rookie mistake I know,” he rushes to say, when Magnus whips a furious gaze in his direction, angry at how Alec had put his own safety in danger like that. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Right, anyway, thankfully the car managed to brake in time, but I still got a concussion, and the driver insisted on calling for an ambulance just in case. Sitting in the A&amp;E, seeing the doctors going about their daily duties, saving lives, and the doctors who tended to me, they were so knowledgeable and kind, I mean, I know it’s cliche, but I guess, it felt very fulfilling to have your knowledge put to good use and making a positive difference in the lives of others? I certainly didn’t have that in business school, and didn’t see it happening if I continued on that path.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Hey, that isn’t cliche at all, you should ask Cat what inspired her to become a doctor, I’m sure her tale will put that worry of yours to rest, far too well even.” Magnus says in a conspiratorial tone, and squeezes Alec’s hand in comfort. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to interrupt, please do continue.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alright. Yeah, so after that, I started looking into becoming a doctor. I knew if I tried to switch out of business, my parents would hear about it, so instead I went to my personal tutor, who told me that the title of my degree didn’t matter so much as the modules I took, and my MCAT scores when it came to applications for med school.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“It took some planning, but I managed to fulfill my business degree course requirements, while also enrolling in some pre-med modules. Took my MCAT in my final year, and when Columbia offered me a full-ride, I somehow mustered the courage to tell my parents that I was off to med school, rather than to work in the job they’d lined up for me at their company. They were narked, but well, what could they do?” Alec finishes his story with a shrug, as if he was completely nonchalant about the fact that he’d managed to stand up to his parents.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alexander, that is absolutely devious and brilliant. I just wish I was there to witness you telling them to fuck right off!” Magnus informs him in an awestruck tone, unwilling for one moment to let Alec downplay his achievements. “I know it might not mean much, coming from me now, but I am so happy for you, that you are finally on track to achieving the career that you want.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec feels the tears stinging at the back of his eyes at that declaration. “It means a lot to me actually, I never thought that you’d be happy for me, I mean, not after how I left things between us.” He rubs his palm on his trousers awkwardly, unsure of how to continue.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He feels Magnus squeeze his hand, gently tugging on it to get Alec to look up in his direction. “Alexander, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable. We can always talk about something else. Say, what made you choose Columbia? Why New York, out of all states? Surely there has to be a fun reason for that!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Fuck. Why does Magnus have to be so nice to him? He doesn’t deserve it, he can feel the regret he’d been carrying around for the past five years weighing down on him. No, he had to do this, he owed Magnus that much at least, considering what he’d done. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>But first, he should answer Magnus’ question about New York, because he was starting to give him some inquisitive looks. Right.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec takes a deep breath before he starts his tale, “The reason I chose New York, well, it’s because of you. Not in a creepy way or anything like that, I wasn’t stalking you,” he hastens to clarify, just in case Magnus got the wrong idea.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alexander, we have been in this same city for two years, and not once have we bumped into each other, if you are a stalker, you are a rather terrible one.” Magnus retorts, injecting humour into the serious conversation, which helped Alec loosen some of the tension in his tightly wound body.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You recall when we were trying to decide which schools to apply to back in senior year? And we ended up agreeing on applying to New York after throwing a dart at the map in my room, like the idiots that we were? I know I told you afterwards that I didn’t apply to any schools in New York, because my parents forbade me, but well… I actually did, on the off chance that I’d find the strength to stand up to my parents. I’d run to New York, grovel and beg for your forgiveness.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec can’t help but tug nervously at the loose threads of the frayed throw that is tossed over the armrest, the smooth unravelling of the thread helping to calm his nerves down. He makes a mental note to replace the throw for Magnus, it’d probably be torn beyond repair by the end of this conversation.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I actually got an offer from Columbia, but I never did manage to stand up to my parents… I was a coward to the end, and ended up running away to Harvard like you know... When med school acceptances came three years ago, and Columbia accepted me again, well, it felt like a sign to me, a second chance perhaps.” Alec looks down at his left hand, still clutched tightly in Magnus’ grip as if Magnus was trying to channel strength to him through that simple skin contact. But Alec is still struggling to find the correct words to convey his jumbled thoughts.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He had had five years to think about what he would say to Magnus if he ever saw him again, he even once spent three weeks memorising an apology speech that he’d written, perfecting it in front of a mirror in his room. Although that stopped when Izzy burst into his room one day, caught him doing that, and would not stop teasing him about it. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Yet now, when he has the opportunity to actually apologise to Magnus, to let him know how devastated Alec was at how he had broken things between them, how regretful he was at the pain he’d caused them, he’s drawing a blank. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>No. Not really a blank, but rather, his mind was cluttered with so many thoughts, emotions warring with each other, and trying to sift through those thoughts, it seemed like a Herculean task for him at that moment.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Magnus...” he chokes out, squeezing their intertwined hands tight, “Magnus, you have been far too understanding to me tonight. And before you throw me out, I need… I need to tell you how absolutely sorry I am. I know this apology is five years too late, but I… better late than never I guess.. .I am so fucking sorry for how I left you on that porch all those years ago, fuck.” Alec abandons the throw that he has been picking at, and runs his fingers agitatedly through his hair, tugging at the ends in frustration. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Fuck, I cannot believe I did that to you. I. I should have been braver back then, should have told my parents to shove their expectations where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m sorry that I abandoned you back then. I’m sorry that I broke up with you, and broke our New York Promise. I-” He can feel tears of frustration building in his eyes and he rubs at them roughly with his knuckled fist. Come on Alec, pull yourself together. Don’t break down now. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I just hope you know how sorry I am about this all. You know what, I should probably go. Don’t worry about having to see me, I will tell Izzy not-” he jerks to his feet, ready to flee, when Magnus yanks him back down into his armchair. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, don’t you dare run off like that,” Magnus instructed him in a tone that brooked no argument. He cautiously sinks back down into the armchair, swallowing nervously as his mind conjured various, increasingly horrifying, possibilities of why Magnus wouldn’t let him leave. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When he turns to Magnus in confusion, he is taken aback by his expression; his lips are pursed in a straight line, seemingly at odds with the gentleness of his gaze as Magnus looks him right in the eye.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alexander, just like your apology is five years too late, my apology is five years too late as well,” Magnus begins, and what? No. Alec does not deserve an apology. He needs to set the record straight.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“What? No Magnus, you have nothing to apologise for. Why are you apologising, I was the one who fucked up!” Alec argues.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“No, Alexander, listen to me, what went down between us was both of our faults, neither of us were innocent.” Alec tries to interject again, but Magnus quickly raises a finger to press against his lips, hushing him. And Alec has no choice but to swallow his protest grudgingly. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus reaches out to cup his cheek and when he is certain that he has Alec’s full attention, he continues, “Alexander, I never blamed you for what happened, we were eighteen, I know I told you that you had to be brave enough to stand up to your parents, but now that I look back, that was me being idealistic. What would have happened if they had disowned you? Kicked you out. The consequences could have been devastating…” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Hearing the tremble in Magnus’ voice, Alec rubs his thumb across Magnus’ hand in a comforting gesture.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I didn’t think so far ahead back then, I was naive and thought that if you stood up to them our problems would all be solved. But life isn’t that easy always, darling, and for that I need to apologise.  I shouldn’t have placed such undue pressure on you back then. It was harsh of me to place an ultimatum on you, I should be the one apologising to you.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>This time, when Alec feels the tears forming, he doesn’t stop it and he feels it trickle down his cheek. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Oh Alexander,” Magnus breathes out tenderly, a thumb reaching up to brush away his tears, “I had no idea you were carrying this burden with you for the past five years. When you left without a word, I thought you had made your peace and decided to move on. If I had known, I would have reached out to you earlier. I never meant for you to bear this guilt all on your own, my darling.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Magnus, can I,” Alec extends an arm out towards Magnus. But it appears that Magnus has read his mind, because before Alec can even finish his question, Magnus has already risen from his armchair, and moved to tug Alec into his chest.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He allows himself to lean forward, head resting gently on Magnus chest, arms wrapped tightly around his torso, as he finally feels himself relax for the first time in a long while. Now that the misunderstanding has been cleared between the both of them, it’s like a weight has been lifted off his chest. It feels so… liberating; he had laboured under the impression that Magnus was mad at him, that he had let Magnus down. To know that Magnus had felt the same, god, they were a real pair of idiots weren’t they. He huffs out a puff of laughter at that.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Something funny that you’d like to share, Alexander?” Magnus teases, as he runs his fingers gently through Alec’s tousled hair, messing it up further. When Magnus scratches his scalp, a surefire way to calm Alec down, he snuggles deeper into Magnus, allowing himself this slice of comfort.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I just feel like an idiot, I should have been brave enough to apologise to you years ago, then we could have cleared the air between us, saving us all this pain,” he mumbles, voice slightly muffled by Magnus' shirt.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He feels Magnus’ fingers still in his hair, before the patting resumes, he sinks back into the embrace and can feel the rumbling vibrations of Magnus’ chest as he informs Alec that, “I could have been the one to approach you too, this isn’t just on you, so if anyone’s an idiot, it’s the both of us.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec lets out a squawk of indignation at that, “You are not an idiot, Magnus Bane!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Well, if I am not an idiot even though I made the same mistake as you did, then surely this means that you aren’t an idiot either!” he retorts. And even though Alec can’t see Magnus face, he knows he is most definitely wearing that cocky grin he always has when he outsmarts Alec at something.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Smartass,” he huffs out. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I learnt from the best,” is Magnus’ cheeky reply.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus’ fingers carding gently through his hair is soothing enough to lull Alec to sleep, especially after the long day he had, when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, jerking him out of his sleepiness. He pulls his phone out, not even bothering to check his Caller ID, because only one person would be bugging him at this hour. He accepts the call and grumbles out an indecipherable greeting. Not that it matters, because Izzy launches into a tirade straightaway:</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Excuse you, you idiot, but where the hell have you been?! You said you had to go and that you would meet me back at home. So I rushed home, all ready to be chewed out, but instead I have just been sitting here worried sick about where my brother has disappeared to for the past two hours!” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec pulls his phone away from his ear to glance at the time, huh, it really had been over two hours since he hung up on Izzy. “Ah shit. Sorry Iz, I’m at Magnus’. I’m alright. Didn’t mean to make you worry.” he apologises. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“At Magnus’?!” her squeal over the phone is loud enough that Magnus probably heard it too. “Did my matchmaking -”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Now that he has allayed Izzy’s fears, he feels no compunction about telling her to fuck off.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Nuh-uh, I’m not telling you anything Iz.” he replies in a childish tone, knowing it’ll piss his sister off. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Before his sister can whine further over the phone, he tells her softly, “Look Izzy, Magnus and I have cleared the air a little, but I’m not telling you anything before  I have discussed things with him.” He feels Magnus hands still in his hair, but before he can pull back to shoot him a questioning look, the petting resumes, and he allows himself to snuggle back into the cuddle, sighing in contentment. “I’ll see you at home later alright.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Fine. But you bet I’ll be demanding the full story the minute you step through that door,” she huffs out, the impatience clear in her voice.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Wouldn’t expect otherwise. Bye Iz,” he hangs up the phone and tosses it carelessly onto the table in front of him, the loud clang it makes when it slides off the table and clatters onto the floor below is rather jarring to his ears. Ugh. He hopes he didn’t break it, he’d just replaced it after a patient threw up on his phone a month ago.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“So Alec, care to enlighten me what is on our agenda tonight? Didn’t realise we had a discussion meeting planned!”  Magnus remarks cheerfully, the amusement obvious in his tone.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Shut up,” Alec growls petulantly. “I don’t need a second person being mean to me today.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Fine fine,” Magnus concedes. “I shall be a gracious host and let you off the hook tonight. That said, you do look rather dead on your feet, are you alright? Have you been getting enough sleep?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah, just a long shift. Haven’t been sleeping well since fucking exams are coming up next month. Will probably crash in my bed once I get home.” Alec replies, voice slurring in his sleepiness. Or he might just fall asleep into Magnus’ arms, it’s a very nice place to sleep. He can feel his eyelids starting to droop, his determination to stay awake flagging with each brush of Magnus’ hand over his hair.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Right before he nearly falls out of his chair in his drowsiness, he feels Magnus tug at his hair. He looks up grumpily, and reaches up with a hand to soothe the tender spot. Glaring up at Magnus, he asks, bottom lip extended in a pout, “Ouch, that hurt. Why’d you do that!”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus cannot help but let out a chuckle at that. Things really haven’t changed that much, sleepy Alec was still as grouchy and cuddly as ever. “It was just a gentle tug, you grumpy koala. And also because I don’t really fancy being knocked onto my ass when you become dead weight in your sleep. Come on, you are exhausted, time for you to get some rest.” Magnus ruffles Alec’s already tousled hair teasingly. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“But-” Alec starts, his sleepy brain struggling to form coherent thoughts, and brows furrowing further in frustration. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus has an inkling of what Alec wants to say, his face has always been an open book to Magnus. They had finally had the opportunity after five long years apart to dispel the big misunderstanding that had torn them apart. Neither of them were ready to let each other go, the tight grip both men still had on each other proof of that.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Knowing that Alec had been carrying this burden on his own had been heart-wrenching for Magnus. When he had been left standing on that porch, he’d been furious. How could Alec have done that to him? Him, Magnus Bane who had been the one to support his boyfriend through his parental issues. Every harsh word that his parents had uttered were replaced with words of comfort whispered softly into Alec’s ear; every stinging slap had been soothed with a tender kiss on that exact spot. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He’d been gutted when Alec had told him that he couldn’t follow him to New York, that he’d be going to Harvard like his parents wished. He couldn’t comprehend why Alec was choosing his parents over his boyfriend, they’d been through thick and thin together. They loved each other, how could Alec break his heart like that? When Magnus had ran away to New York, he told himself to forget about stupid Alec. Fuck Alec. He wasn’t worthy of Magnus if he would abandon Magnus so callously like that.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Putting Alec out of his thoughts was easier said than done, they had known each other for over fifteen years, ever since Magnus had moved in next to Alec when his mom had finally divorced his father. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Removing such a huge part of his life wasn’t easy at all. There were days when Magnus wanted to pick up the phone to yell at Alec and demand to know why he hadn’t gone with Magnus. But he’d recall that Alec was off gallivanting about happily in Massachusetts, upholding the proud tradition of five generations of Lightwoods making it into Harvard. And well. Fuck that. Magnus wasn’t desperate enough to grovel at Alec’s feet for scraps. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>It wasn’t until he was out for drinks with his friends, one of whom had brought his boyfriend along for the first time, that what he’d done to Alec hit him like a ton of bricks. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Guys, this is Andrew, Andrew, these are my friends, Magnus, Ragnor, and Cat,” Lorenzo introduced his boyfriend, the sheer joy obvious on his face, as he pointed at each friend. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>After a few pints, Andrew was more than happy to regale them with the story of how the couple had met - they had met while volunteering at a homeless shelter, Lorenzo was fulfilling his social work degree’s internship requirement, while Andrew had recently started volunteering. “It was more than giving back to society,” he’d said. “I had a terrible relationship with my foster parents, who were abusive. One day, I had enough of it, I told them straight to their faces how awful they were. They tossed me out onto the streets, and thankfully I stumbled upon a homeless shelter…”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>‘Terrible relationship...abusive relationship...told them off…’ These words were ringing in Magnus’ mind.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Why did that sound so familiar… and then it struck him, that could have very well been Alec if he had caved to Magnus’ ultimatum. As he came to that illuminating realisation, he couldn’t help but recoil in disgust at himself. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>How could he have done that to Alec? Thank god Alec didn’t listen to him. Those were his first thoughts; the sinking feeling he’d gotten in his gut initially solidifying into a mass that felt like it was pulling him under those suffocating thoughts he had swirling in his mind. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When Cat turned to look at him with concern in her gaze, Magnus jerked to his feet, no he didn’t deserve her concern, not after what he’d done, and stumbled to the bathroom, heaving up what little dinner he’d eaten. He sank back, leaning against the grimy wall, too caught up in his thoughts to care about the cleanliness like he usually would. The chill from the bathroom tiles sent a shiver down his spine. Not that it mattered, with the cold numbness spreading through his body at the realisation of how colossally he’d fucked up back then.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The disgust and self-loathing, the guilt, fuck, he was too smashed to deal with all this. He raked his fingers through his hair, yanking them out of their gelled confines, not that it mattered, the brutal tugging felt soothing to him at that moment.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Oi Magnus. You alright in there?” Magnus heard the bathroom door slam open as Ragnor burst in frantically. “You’ve been in there for quite a while.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah… might have just drank too much…” he replied, not caring about the weakness of his excuse.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Come on, you lightweight, let’s get you home then.” Ragnor thankfully accepted his bald-faced lie, and just slung one of Magnus’ arms around his shoulder, supporting his limp body as he directed them out of the bathroom.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Cat, dear old Cat, had seen through Magnus the day before and came around the next day, offering him a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on should he need one. He’d taken her up on only the latter, he knew Cat wasn’t the sort to gossip, bless her heart, but there was some part of him that felt uneasy with the notion of discussing what had happened yesterday with someone else, before he himself gained the courage to apologise to Alec.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Except.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>There were times when he’d open Alec’s contact in his phone, stare at those ten digits, but never summoning the courage to call; his shame at his own reprehensible actions hindering him. For all Magnus knew, Alec had already put him out of his mind, and ringing him up now would just be opening up wounds that Alec might have stitched closed himself a long time ago. There wasn’t any point, he convinced himself, he had to let it go.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He had tried to put Alec behind him, he really did. It wasn’t until he looked up from his phone in the restaurant and saw Alec in front of him that it all came rushing back to him. He stood up, ready to greet Alec, and convey the apology he had wanted to give for the past three years. Except Alec had fled from the restaurant before either of them could utter a single word, a distraught look on his face.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus was still standing upright in the restaurant, shell-shocked and blindsided by what had just happened; he wasn’t sure if he should chase Alec or let him go.  But recalling how upset Alec had been, he made his decision, he had to at least check to make sure he was fine, before he left.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When he had located Alec at the end of the street, he looked less upset and seemed more composed. Whoever it was that he was on the phone with seemed to have helped calm him down. Thankfully.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus decided to try for humour, it had always been his go-to trick for cheering Alec up. Although maybe flirty humour wasn’t the way to go judging by the panic that flitted across his face. Fuck, Magnus was reallllly fucking this up, he was meant to apologise, not send Alec into a bloody panic attack. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He was brainstorming a way to break the awkward silence when a passerby clattering into him gave him the perfect excuse to invite Alec back to his place, where he could finally deliver his apology. That had been his plan at least, until Alec’s heartbreaking confession. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And Magnus made certain to disabuse his ex-boyfriend of the notion that the blame was solely his to shoulder. No, it was a burden they both had to bear equally. They had both made their fair share of mistakes in their naivety and immaturity back then.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>And now here they are, clinging tightly to each other, seeking comfort in each other’s arms, unwilling to let go. Each afraid of approaching the other, for fear that they would be rejected. Now that the misunderstanding has been cleared, Magnus is content to cuddle Alec for as long as he wants, until Izzy’s call puts a halt to that. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Realistically, he knows Alec needs some sleep. But he is also selfish enough to want to keep Alec by his side for a while longer, his heart nearly bursting with joy at finally being reunited with Alec after those years apart. So sue him for being greedy enough to want the cake and eat it.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Alec,” he suggests in a hesitant tone, trying to suppress the hopefulness in his tone, “you need some sleep, but I really really don’t want to let you go anytime soon”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Neither do I,” comes Alec’s mumble, which puts a small smile on Magnus’ face. Good to know he isn’t the only one…</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“How about we get some sleep in my bed hmm? Just sleeping. It’s a twin, it should fit us both.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Sold! Lead the way, good Sir!” Alec relinquishes his tight hold on Magnus and lurches to his feet with the gracefulness of a baby deer learning to walk.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“That didn’t take much convincing, I was about to reveal my ace in the hole - snuggling!” Magnus calls out to Alec, who is already making his way down the corridor to Magnus’ bedroom.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>At that, Alec turns back, head cocked to one side, bleary eyes squinting at Magnus in adorable confusion. “There’s you. And there’s a bed. That’s all I need,” he shrugs his shoulders as if it was as simple as that, and resumes his trek to the bedroom.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Huh. Maybe it is as simple as that indeed. Magnus chuckles to himself. “Help yourself to the toiletries in the bathroom, I’ll clear up our cups and join you in bed,” he hollers to Alec’s retreating back. Alec waves a sleepy hand, acknowledging that he’d heard Magnus.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Quickly dumping the cups in the sink, (‘the cups are a future me’s problem!’ his brain helpfully supplies) Magnus makes his way to the bedroom. His bedroom floor is littered with various articles of Alec’s discarded outfit, all tossed haphazardly in his apparent eagerness to get into bed. Magnus looks up to see Alec already snuggled beneath the duvet, head resting comfortably on Magnus’ pillow, while clutching the other pillow tightly to his chest, a look of quiet contentment on his face as he sleeps.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Well. That will not do, Magnus thinks to himself with a frown on his face. He strips down quickly, flinging his clothes in the general direction of his laundry basket, before climbing into bed carefully, trying to prevent the bed springs from squeaking. He slowly shuffles towards Alec and gently tries to pry the pillow out from Alec’s arm. As the pillow is finally tugged free, Magnus lets out a silent cheer of joy, ditching the pillow on the ground beside the bed, before quickly burrowing into warmth of Alec’s arms, filling the now empty space. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Apparently he was not stealthy enough because right as he was about to doze off, Alec cracks open a sleepy eye. “Magnus, that you?” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yes it’s me Alexander, sorry, go back to sleep.” Magnus replies softly, sweeping his hand gently down Alec’s face, soothing him back to sleep. Alec makes a grunting noise, which Magnus interprets to be an agreement. Alec proceeds to tug Magnus towards himself, hugging him like his personal teddy bear, before his face relaxes once again in his sleep.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Seeing Alec drift back to sleep, Magnus adjusts his head to pillow it on Alec’s warm chest and tangles their legs together, seeking some warmth for his cold toes, before he allows himself to fall asleep as well.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Where the fuck am I, is Alec’s first thought when he wakes up and sees that he is in an unfamilar bedroom. And as he wrestles back control of his mental faculties from the clutch of Morpheus, he barely resists the urge to fling himself off the bed when he realises that there is someone in his arms. A nearly-naked someone who is clinging rather tightly to his torso. What the fuck happened last night? Before Alec can work himself up into a frenzy, his mystery companion shifts slightly in their sleep. When Alec pulls his head back slightly and sees that it is Magnus whom he is holding, he collapses back to the bed in sheer relief. Thank goodness.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He stretches his free arm down, sweeping for the duvet, which had somehow been kicked further down the bed during the night, and pulls it up to tuck it around Magnus. Sinking back into his pillow, Alec glances down at his bed companion, raking his eyes over Magnus’ face, slackened in his slumber, a fond smile unfurling on Alec’s face at how adorable he is. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When Alec had laid eyes on him yesterday, he had been caught off-guard by his appearance, the dark eyeliner around his eyes gave him an aura of fierceness, the lip gloss casting a shiny sheen on his mouth creating an illusion of sensuality, the masterfully tousled hair adding a layer of sophistication. Suffice to say, if Magnus had been a stranger, Alec would have been intimidated and possible awe-struck by his beauty. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Now, gazing at Magnus’ bare face, stripped of his make-up, his lips slightly parted in sleep, drool trickling down onto Alec, his hair rivalling a bird’s nest, Alec is less intimidated, but nonetheless, still captivated by his natural beauty. God, just one night together and I am already reverting back to my sappy self. He swipes the back of his hand against Magnus’ mouth, wiping the drool away, careful not to rouse him from his peaceful slumber.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Leaning back, he glances around Magnus’ bedroom, getting his first impression of it. In his haste to get some sleep last night, Alec hadn’t had the chance to see much of the room, before sinking into the soft silk sheets. He spared a second to thank the stars that Magnus’ penchant for luxury extended to his sheets as well because the cool sheets were like a soothing balm to his weary body. <br/>Now, Alec is taken aback by how the bedroom feels so disjointed to the rest of the flat. Aside from the bed, and the wardrobe standing in the corner, the room is… bare.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Back in Idris, Magnus’ bedroom was a splash of colours, an external reflection of his own vibrant personality. There were movie posters tacked to the walls, his numerous shelves stacked high with Lego models and crammed with books. And the walls, god, Alec still remembers how often they would paint Magnus’ walls because his boyfriend would decide that he had a new favourite colour every few months on a whim. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>But here, in New York, with the plain and undecorated room, the dull grey wall, the lonesome wardrobe, and the twin bed with the lavish silk sheets being the only non-utilitarian feature in these four walls, it feels… incongruous… with Magnus himself, and Alec is baffled by it all.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Before he can dwell further on that mystery, his arm is jostled by Magnus who is shifting in his sleep as he slowly awakens. Alec slides back down under the duvet and whispers a soft good morning to Magnus, who is blinking his sleep-crusted eyes in a dazed manner. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Tim’sit?” he grumbles, still half-asleep.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“I have no idea. Left my phone outside last night,” Alec replies cheerfully, far too cheerful for Magnus, if the hand shoved rudely into his face is anything to go by. Alec bats it away good-naturedly. “Why? Do you have plans today?”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Mmm, no. Just askin.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>That makes two of them. Alec thanks his past self for swapping shifts with Simon who had to attend his sister’s birthday party. Else he’d be working today instead of three days later. Kindness does indeed pay. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Eventually, Magnus seems to tire of Alec staring in contentment (or creepily, as Magnus informs him later, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes) at him dozing off; he stretches like a cat, and rubs the sleep out of his eyes, before snuggling closer to Alec to rest their foreheads against each other’s.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Morning Alexander,” he whispers, his breath a warm caress against Alec’s cheek. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Morning Magnus, did you sleep well?” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“With you by my side as my pillow? Of course I did.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec pulls back with a pained groan, “Ugh, I need some coffee in me before I can handle all this cheesiness.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t think I didn’t notice you watching me sleep, Mr Cheesy,” Magnus retorts with a disbelieving snort.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>In lieu of a reply, Alec leans forward to place a peck on Magnus’ lips chastely, something he’d been wanting to do since last night, before his exhaustion had gotten in the way. But now? Now he can finally reacquaint himself with the taste of Magnus’ soft lips once again. He had meant for it to be just a peck but before he can draw back, Magnus hand darts up, holding his chin firmly in place, as Magnus deepens the kiss.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec brings up his hand to cup Magnus’ cheek, thumb brushing across it, feeling the bristles of Magnus’ morning stubble prickle his thumb softly, and the heat from his blushing cheek, still warm from sleep, suffuse his palm. He is nearly lost in the sensation of Magnus’ lips pushing against his while his hands cradle Alec’s head, fingers tangling in his hair, nearly overloading his senses, when he feels Magnus’ tongue dart out, skimming across Alec’s bottom lip shyly.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>At that, Alec surges up, rolling Magnus onto his back in one smooth motion, while pushing himself up on his arms to lean over him, being ever so careful to not break their kiss. His tongue slides gently along Magnus’, the first hesitant contact sending an electrifying zing down his spine, the second sending his heart racing.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus has relinquished his tight grip on Alec’s locks, fingers gliding down to knead at his back, nails digging into his skin. He tangles his tongue with Magnus’, ever so eager to chase that delicious friction; his teeth bite down on Magnus’ swollen bottom lip and when he gasps out in surprise, Alec slips his tongue past Magnus lips, sliding home, drowning himself in the taste of Magnus. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Who cares about morning breath, not him certainly, especially not when he had been well acquainted with it during their heated makeout sessions whenever they had sleepovers at each other’s houses.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>It felt like coming home, god, Alec had missed him so much, there were days when he would look down at his hand, wondering why it felt so empty, before realising he missed the warmth of Magnus’ hand clutched in his, their fingers interlocked tightly. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He hadn’t realised how significant Magnus’ presence in his life was, until the days where he wanted to share a dorky dad joke he had heard or an exciting fact he’d learnt about sloths, or he needed a comforting hug after another rough family dinner, a listening ear when he had a tough day at school, only for reality to hit him with the fact that Magnus was no longer a part of his life anymore. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Now, with Magnus in his arms again, Alec’s world feels like it has been righted, the missing part of him finally found, and in that moment, Alec vows never to let Magnus go again. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When he feels Magnus pushing up against him in jerky motions, he pulls back gently, brushing his lips up Magnus’ sharp jawline, across his eyelids, nuzzling down his nose, before placing one last soft peck against Magnus’ lips, bottom lip extended into a pout by now, disgruntled at Alec ending their kiss before Magnus had wanted to.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Flopping onto his back, Alec stares up at the ceiling, willing his racing heart to slow down.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Well that was one hell of a way to wake up.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Would have been better if someone hadn’t ended it prematurely.” Magnus mumbles sulkily, arms crossed over his chest.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec tilts his head in Magnus’ direction, reaching out with his hand to intertwine their fingers. He brings their clasped hands up and lays a soft kiss onto the back of Magnus arm to appease him. “I would have liked to continue, Magnus, I’ve missed you so much, but I don’t want us to just jump into anything before we talk things through…”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re right, I’m sorry, I was just caught up in it all…” Magnus replies, the apology clear in his eyes.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“All this sexiness you mean?” Alec teases, trying to lighten the sombre mood that seemed to have settled over them.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus rolls his eyes, giving Alec a playful shove, before getting up from bed and strolling towards the kitchen. “Come on, you poor deluded soul, let’s get some coffee in you before you spout more rubbish.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Alec is loath to crawl out of bed, not when the sheets are still warm from their body heat; but when the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafts through the flat and hits his nose, he is far too weak to resist the lure of coffee. Not when he is caffeine-deprived enough to consider consuming it via IV drip. Surely that’d be more efficient at getting the caffeine into his bloodstream.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When he reaches the kitchenette, he finds Magnus leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping on his own cup of coffee, a serene expression on his face, with a second cup sitting beside him, steam billowing from its surface. He shuffles over, giving Magnus a soft kiss in thanks, before pushing himself up onto the counter. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>The kitchen is bathed in a warm golden glow from the sun rays shining through the window, as the golden hour of sunrise draws nearer. Taking another pull of his coffee, Alec feels a sense of contentment wash over him. He reaches out to draw Magnus into the empty space between his legs, trapping him in between his legs crossed behind Magnus’ back. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You are such a koala,” Magnus informs him, although Alec thinks Magnus doesn’t really mind his koala impression, not with the way Magnus is nuzzling at the base of his throat at the moment. He runs his fingers through Magnus’ tousled locks, working at parts of it that had been tangled in his sleep, alternating between gulps of his coffee and dropping kisses onto the crown of Magnus’ head.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>A comfortable silence settles over them, both men happy to snuggle in each other’s embrace, clutching their cups of coffee, enjoying the view of the sun completing its rise from beneath the horizon. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You hungry?” Alec asks as he drains the last of his now-cold coffee.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Magnus nods his head, “Yeah. I haven’t stocked my fridge yet though, so I don’t have much in the way of food.” </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“Come on, let me make amends for yesterday’s meal that we never got to have. Does that restaurant do breakfast as well?” Alec asks enthusiastically, pushing Magnus into an upright position, as he hops down from the counter.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“You know what, it does indeed. I shall allow you to take me out to breakfast then.” Magnus replies loftily, “I did serve as your personal teddy bear last night, it’s the least I deserve.”</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>“How gracious of you darling,” Alec shoots back, as he heads towards the bedroom to retrieve his trousers and shirt from yesterday. As he is doing up the buttons on his shirt, he can’t help but marvel at the sudden twist his life has taken. Who would have thought one dinner would have made such a difference? </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>When he had been pressured into the blind date by Izzy, all he wanted to do was get through the dinner and hope that his date wouldn’t ask to see him again. Alec really wasn’t interested in dating. And now… now he has Magnus back in his life. He had the chance to finally apologise to Magnus, to right the wrongs committed, to clear the air and dispel any misunderstandings between them. The relief Alec felt at that was staggering, and he was secretly grateful at how Izzy had gone out of her way to orchestrate it, all just to make her brother happy,  not that he’d be telling Izzy that any time soon. She would be smug enough about her blind date being successful, Alec was definitely not going to add to that insufferability.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>By the time they step out of Magnus’ flat, the rest of the city seems to have awoken as well. As Alec retraces their path back to the restaurant from last night, there are runners and students jostling for space on the pavement alongside him, but all he can focus on is the feeling of Magnus’ warm palm, pressed tightly against his own, fingers entwined, his thumb tracing the back of Magnus’ hand, heart finally at ease at the return of that familiar feeling.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Later at the restaurant, the same waitress will greet them with a puzzled expression, probably wondering what the two of them were doing together after Alec’s dramatic exit the night before.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Two days later, when Alec finally returns to the flat he shares with Izzy, after spending the whole weekend at Magnus’, neither man willing to let the other out of his sight, fingers often reaching out to touch the other, as if reassuring themselves that it isn’t a dream, Izzy will pounce on him, squealing in excitement at the wide grin that Alec is sporting as he walks through the door, and hound him for details.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Three weeks later, when Alec finally deigns to re-introduce his sister to Magnus after her incessant pestering, Magnus will spend the entire meal asking Izzy to fill in the gaps of the last five years that he had missed out on.  And Magnus will hold Alec closer in bed that night, whispering in his ear how proud he is of Alec, for standing up to his parents, for shielding his siblings, for fighting hard for his own dream, for growing into the man before him that Magnus loves, and how damned grateful he is for returning back into his life and loving him.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Four months later, when Magnus hesitantly pushes a key across the dining table towards Alec, Alec will look up at his boyfriend, nodding his head with tears in his eyes, before Magnus has even asked his question. Alec already thinks of Magnus’ cozy flat as his home, he’d stumbled through Magnus’ door, sinking right into his warm embrace after a long shift, as if on autopilot. It isn’t until Izzy remarks that Alec has not slept in his bed for one week straight, that Alec realises how much Magnus’ flat feels like a home to him now. Izzy is more than glad to shove him out of their flat, and Alec doesn’t want to think why, not after walking in on Izzy and Simon in the break room at work.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Six months later, when Alec rolls over in bed and is greeted by Magnus’ sleeping face, he will reach out with his fingers to tenderly brush Magnus’ drool away from the corner of his mouth, before interlacing his fingers with Magnus’, his heart bursting with joy as he thumbs at the newest addition to Magnus’ ring finger, running his thumb over the smooth surface of the ring. And when Magnus awakens and leans over to give Alec his morning kiss, his eyes crinkling with joy as he whispers a “Morning, fiancé,” Alec is certain he is the luckiest man on earth, because this, this is what he will get to have for the rest of his life.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>But now, as Alec swings their hands, walking towards the restaurant, Magnus regaling him with the woes of his life as a graduate student, Alec feels hope blossom within him, hopeful at the prospect of having Magnus by his side once again. He is hopeful, hopeful and grateful.</i>
  </i>
</p>
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